Depression is a Killer
by Ayva Trance
Summary: Depression kills but will the gang be able to cheerup Harry before it kills him. Spoilers fot Ootp. Full summery inside/
1. Default Chapter

Summary: Depression kills. But will the gang help Harry before he kills himself or harms himself more than he already has. Secrets also arise as Harry slowly begins to understand more about his late godfather and parents. Friends meet new people. A transfer student arrives. And Harry is in for one twisted ride.  
  
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING of Harry Potter or any of the characters except the ones I invented.  
  
In the past, Harry Potter had dreaded summer vacation but this year it was different. The only reason that this summer was different was because the Dursleys seemed as if they were obligated to treat Harry better than they usual did during past summers. The second reason was that even though Harry had more freedom and could watch TV and do more things that he used to not be allowed to do; he did not want to. The truth was that the only person on Privet Drive that was making Harry feel miserable was Harry.  
  
Ever since his godfather, Sirius, was killed a few months ago Harry had felt like shit. Almost every night since the events that happened at the end of his fifth year he had had reoccurring dreams about what happened, especially about watching his godfather die. Nothing Harry could do could keep his mind off the fact that he would never see his godfather again or the fact that he no longer had control over his own destiny.  
  
Even the cheerful letters that he received from Ron or Hermoine seemed to make him happy anymore. He was depressed and lonely. Over the summer he just kept to himself and barely spoke to anyone. But if he did talk to someone it would be either to Hedwig or to himself.  
  
'Maybe things would get better when I go back to school. Yeah right, Harry when you're at school all you're going to have is people trying to pretend to make you happy. No person could sympathize with me because they don't know what I'm going through or have been going through lately. People don't know because you have not told them anything. Well it's not my fault they left me here in this hell hole." Harry told himself, as he lay sprawled on his bed while looking up at the ceiling when he heard a knock at the door.  
  
Harry lifted his head up slightly to see the door before he slowly groaned,' yes?'  
  
When the door slowly pushed open Aunt Petunia slowly put her horse face into his room so that she can see him. She gave a slight look of disgust as she looked at Harry room. She had always like a tidy room but his looked filthy. She looked at him again and softly said,' dinner's ready.'  
  
'I'm not hungry,' Harry replied as he continued to stare at the ceiling.  
  
And with that Petunia closed his door and walk down stairs to the kitchen, where her husband and son were waiting for her.  
  
'So, is he coming or what?' Vernon abruptly asked his wife.  
  
'He says he's not hungry.'  
  
'Fine then that leaves more food for us,' Vernon snapped.  
  
Over the summer Uncle Vernon became even more pissed off at Harry because of how he was now obligated to treat him better. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that he felt that Harry did not appreciate how they were treating him.  
  
'Petunia, look if the boy doesn't want to eat then he doesn't eat,' Vernon added more politely as he saw a concerned look on her face. 'Besides who are we to worry?'  
  
'Those people of his remember Vernon what they said? They said that if we don't treat Harry good enough then they will get us. And who knows maybe they would think that we haven't giving him enough food. Or maybe they would think that his behavior lately is all our fault.'  
  
'But Petunia remember Harry doesn't want to eat because he's not hungry. Not because we haven't asked him to come and eat. It is his fault not ours fault,' Vernon insisted. 'And if those crackpots can't figure out that his behavior is all his doing then they are stupider then I could imagine.'  
  
The rest of dinner was finished without another word of Harry or his odd behavior. So while they were finishing up, Harry was still in the same position doing the same thing that he was doing before Aunt Petunia interrupted him. But this time he was interrupted once more but not by a knock on the door but by a snowy owl that was outside his window. Harry had almost forgotten that it was his birthday, but even the thought of getting a birthday present was not even cheering him up. So with a heavy sigh, Harry moved his even skinnier frame over to the window to let the owl in. The owl let Harry take the package from her leg then affectionately nibbled his hand then flew over to her cage on the opposite side of the room. He kind of just stared at the package in his hand before he threw it on his bed. Then Harry absentmindedly stared once more at the opened window as two other owls flew in well sort of flew in one of them barely made it inside the window before it collapsed onto Harry's floor. Harry slowly walked over and picked up the owl and released it of its burden for he place the owl in Hedwig's cage.  
  
When he released the third owl's burden he immediately fluffed it's wings and flew out of the window. So Harry thinking that he wouldn't be getting anymore mail began to close his window when he saw four more owls races to his window. Harry felt slightly alarmed when he saw this but nevertheless opened once more his window. He untied the packages or letters from each of the owl and as quickly as they came the quicker they left as they flew out of Harry's window. He threw these letters and packages on his bed too and stared at them. He knew he wasn't in any mood for hearing from people. ON a second thought, Harry looked once more at the letters and began moving closer to his bed as he picked up one of his bigger presents and opened it. It was from Lupin, which made Harry looked twice when he saw Lupin's handwriting. He was slightly shocked even more because his gift looked a little pricey from the outside and he remembered that Lupin had always had a hard time with getting money. Harry then slowly began to read the letter:  
  
Harry,  
  
Surprised to hear from me. Well here's a gift I know you'll appreciate as much as I have these past few months and most of my life. You'll understand more when you see what I got you. Also I know that Sirius would love fore you to have it too.  
  
See you later, Lupin  
  
Harry looked anxiously at the big gift that Lupin gave him. He slowly unwrapped it and stared. It was a photo album. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm sorry for the delay but suddenly I'm getting encouragement, which means I need reason to keep updating. Besides, I'm also busy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

Chapter 2 

It was leather bound photo album. It was rather heavy. Harry knew in his mind that if it wasn't from Lupin then he would be wary to even open it considering what happen during his second year at Hogwarts and the incident with the diary. But he had nothing better to do at this moment. As his slightly bony hand crept to slowly open the bounds of the photo album it slightly creaked. Harry paused for a second; look around and slowly grabbed his wand just in case something went wrong. He then pushed it all the way open and waited but nothing happened.

Harry sighed. He looked at it slightly but thought nothing of it. What the use? He closed it. He looked again at the letter again. _Sirius would love for you to have it too. _He sighed. It won't make the pain go away. It's my fault he's gone. It's my fault he left Grimmauld Place. It's my fault he died. It's my entire fault. Harry placed his head on his bed and cried. Suddenly he heard movement in his room. He looked around and noticed that the photo album was right next to him. _I thought I threw that on the floor. _He stared at it for a moment. He tried moving it but it wouldn't budge. Harry panted. He didn't have that much strength anymore. _I really am pathetic. What use am I to others? I just keep causing pain. _

He stared at it. It was as if the album itself wouldn't leave Harry alone. Yet again, he tried pushing it off the bed once more but, unless Harry's imagination was getting to him, it seemed to have gotten heavier. This forced Harry to admit defeat and slowly get up from his bed. He walked over to his window seal and stared out into the bleak night. _Happy Birthday to me. Yeah, right. No one understands anymore. _

_Thud! _Harry jumped suddenly from where he stood. He quickly turned around, as fast as his body would let him these days. He quickly looked around. _That's strange. Maybe I'm hearing things. _Harry looked around once more but everything seemed perfectly in place. Then he noticed something, _where's the album? _As if some eerie feeling possessed him, Harry looked down. There by his feet was the album. Harry stumbled and fell backwards. The album move not farther away like its supposed to but closer. It was as if it was beckoning him, tempting him to open it.

He laid there thinking to himself. _Am I hallucinating? _Harry began spacing out. _Why me? Why does life have to be such a bitch? _He stared at the ceiling. _Maybe I should've died that day along with my parents._

_Ouch! _Suddenly Harry's head started aching as if something had slammed against it. He felt his head when he finally passed out.

Darkness falls 

_Greatness falls_

_Blood flows_

_Make the pain stop_

_Knives are sharp_

_Food resembles poison_

_My heart aches_

_Make it stop_

_Make it stop _

_Please help me make it stop_

_-/-_

"Ron, I'm worried about Harry," Hermoine said as she came into his bedroom.

"What do you mean?" Ron asked her as he sat up in his bed.

"I mean I just have a feeling that something's wrong," she said as she sat herself down nearby his bed. "Something's just not right."

"Harry can handle himself, Hermoine. He's done it all these years and he knows that we're here for him he needs us."

"Ron, that's the problem," she insisted.

Ron looked at her bewildered for a moment. _What could she possibly mean? _"I still don't get it."

"He's been alone all these years, maybe he doesn't know exactly how to ask for help," she further explained.

"We've helped him out before, he should know that-" Ron started then he stopped. "What you think that Harry thinks we can't help him or something like that?"

"Unfortunately, that's exactly what I think," as she said this her voiced suddenly became sad and quieter.

She had been staying at the Weasley's for the summer especially after what happened in the school year. With the chaos that occurred during the school year, it was agreed that it was the best idea. For some reason Harry had insisted on staying for a while at the Durseley's instead of staying right away at Ron's. The Weasley's were keeping their minds occupied with Charlie's wedding approaching closer. Everyone was worried about Harry. They hadn't heard anything from him all since he left for the summer.

-/-

Death comes As shadows fall 

_Ripping through the bodies of the living_

_Beckoning them to join them_

_Tempting them to come _

_Pressuring them _

_To follow them to an eternity of hell_

Harry groaned as his eyes flickered open. _What happened? _He felt his head. Yet again, he groaned lightly. He looked around and almost jumped when he saw the album that sat right next to his head. _What the? _He stared at it. It was as if that thing was alive. Was it? Harry suddenly recalled one of his old textbooks that nearly attacked him but that were the Monster Book. This was supposed to be just a photo album. Or was it? When is anything just anything anymore? Like a locket may not be just a locket but might be part of a person's soul that's been ripped from his or her body. Harry sighed. He looked at the album once more; this is going to be risky. A sense of desire started flowing through him that he could not understand.

It was a desire to open the album up and see exactly what it was. Harry's hand started twitching with anxiety. He found his hand had found its way to the cover of the album as he began to sit up. His hand started caressing the cover as if it was almost forbidden to open it. _I might as well._

-/-

"Ron, I think we should check up on Harry," Hermoine insisted. "I just have really bad feeling."

"I'll go ask-" he started.

"Maybe we should just go ourselves-" she started again

"We should tell someone-" Ron insisted further, trying to put reason into her.

"Tell someone what?" Mr. Weasley asked as he stood by the doorway of the room.

-/-

Harry took in a deep breath as he slowly opened the cover. Suddenly something started happening. Harry started shaking. With a thud, Harry landed on a floor. It became all black.

A/N: So tell me what do you think? Should I continue? Or do you want to kill me? Reviews are much appreciated. Again sorry for the delay, I had no clue anyone liked this story. Hoped you liked it.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters even though I wish I did

Ayva: I have decided to updated this due to sudden encouragement which is quite strange…

Lupin: You are a strange girl

Ayva: Like you should be talking

Lupin: Just stating the obvious

Ayva: That's beside the point. Let's continue the story!

Chapter 3:

Truth Behind the Album

_Illusions surround me_

_I do not know what is truth_

_Guide me_

_Release Me_

_Kill me_

_Please stop this pain_

_What did I do this time_

_To deserve this_

_Please just show me_

_The truth behind it all_

Lupin sat there for a moment in thought as he tried to relax himself. He knew he had to give Harry that album. It was essential. Since the time of Sirius' death, Lupin tried to keep contact with Harry but things had been so complicated as well which made things even more hectic. In truth, he took Sirius' death harder than people expected but he barely showed it. He had lost yet another best friend. He felt alone. Deserted. Yet, he tried his best to get his act together and put his best efforts in helping the Order of Phoenix all he could.

In the back of his mind though, Lupin knew that Harry blamed himself above everyone else. It wasn't the first time that Lupin witnessed someone tearing him or herself up over something like this. Lupin closed his eyes for a moment. _I just hope its not too late._

_-/-_

Harry groaned as he tried to open his eyes. His mind felt as if it was going through a tornado. A blinding migraine stroked him as he attempted to move any inch of his body. _What's going on? _The pain shot down his body. Harry suddenly felt his body reacting to something as the pain started to subside. The thoughts running through his mind felt like a knife stabbing at him repeatedly. _Please stop. I don't care anymore; just make it stop!_

Voices started to fill his mind in a seemingly never-ending cycle. Voices of those he knew and thought that were foreign.

Then like lightning complete silence fell. Not a single sound could be heard except Harry's heavy breathing.

_Harry Potter! _

Harry's eyes opened immediately as he heard his name. Where did that come from?

Harry… 

He touched his head slightly. It was still throbbing with pain but it was subsiding. He looked around for a moment. Everywhere he looked it was pitch black. Harry's hand touched the wall near him and his hand felt wet. For a moment, he was terrified about what he might have touched until he heard a trickle of water nearby. Just in case though, he smelt his hand and was confirmed that it was water. _Where am I?_

"Isn't he precious…" 

Where did that voice come from? Harry started walking forwards and it became clear to him what had happened earlier that day. Was the album a porkey? Was it even from Lupin? All these questions flowed through his mind but stopped when he noticed something. There was a light coming through the further he walked. For some reason he felt drawn to it like a calling.

Suddenly laughter broke the silence and Harry heard it even louder as he walked closer to the light. For some reason his body felt lighter than normal the closer he got to the strange light. When he finally got there he couldn't believe what he saw.

-/-

"Let me ask again, tell someone what?" Mr. Weasley asked again. He looked at both Ron and Hermoine with concern. At times like these it wasn't time to play around. Lord Voldemort was on the rise and everyone was alert.

"Hermoine is worried about Harry, dad," Ron ratted her out.

She sighed deeply and shook her head. Ron didn't understand why she didn't really want adults getting into this. She knew that Harry was stubborn to a point about things but this was serious. And for once going to the adults might make this worse. Harry could only be pushed to a point and she was afraid that this would break him. They had heard nothing from him since the summer started and it was starting to really worry her. She hoped that Ron would realize that this wasn't something petty and that he will come to his senses. She just prayed that Harry would be okay.

"Is that it?" Mr. Weasley asked just to make sure. He knew in the back of his mind that there was more that they weren't telling him.

Before Ron was able to say anything else, Hermoine put her hand on his mouth.

"It's nothing," she lied. She knew that she shouldn't have but for once maybe it was a good thing she did. Hermoine then walked off and dragged Ron with her.

-/-

Lupin stared at the fire that was burning beside him as his thought engulfed him. The times that he had with both James and Sirius, he cherished them deeply. _I will forever be in debt. Now they're both gone. Now I must save Harry… from himself. _He looked at the time. _It's almost time. _

At the stroke of midnight, Lupin closed his eyes. He mumbled a chant to himself with his eyes still closed. If you saw him at this moment, you might have thought you were hallucinating as his figure from where he was sitting started to shimmer and then with another look he disappeared.

-/-

Harry stood there in awe. Before him was a massive album just like the photo album that Lupin gave him with its paging turning repeatedly. He could hear voices from within it. The voices weren't actually creepy but in some way it was calming. He felt even more drawn to it than before but he tried to resist it. His hand gripped at the walls near him, trying to resist the temptation.

"Harry."

Harry's arms let go of the wall when he heard the voice. His eyes looked over at the album but forced himself to look around it. There, right next to it, was Lupin. He looked younger but still it was him. Harry stared at him with suspicion and confusion.

"I have to explain something to you," a younger looking Lupin told him.

He looked about a good fifteen years younger as he stood there waiting for a response of some sort from Harry.

"What's this?" Harry found himself saying.

Lupin looked at the album and then at Harry. The look in Harry's eyes was empty which if you knew Harry at all that was frightening.

"It's an album, Harry."

Sudden urges arise from Harry to run after Lupin and make him tell him everything but something stopped him.

Lupin noticed this and began to explain further.

"An album full of memories from those from the past and the present. It's a way for love ones to live on…"

Harry stared at him and was about to say something when the pages started to turn even more rapidly.

The wind in the area started picking up. Now the pages seemed to be howling and sucking everything in. Harry felt his energy being drained.

"We must go Harry, before its too late," Lupin stated after a while.

"Go where?" Harry almost screamed at him.

With one swift movement, Harry felt Lupin hand grab his right arm and moved closer to the album. Harry felt like screaming but was unable to make any sound as they were pulled into the album with one swift jump from Lupin.

It felt like a tornado as they swirled around and began to rapidly fall into what seemed like nothingness. With a thud, the album closed abruptly in Harry's room.

-/-

A/N: what do you think? Do you like it? Please tell me… encouragement is needed. Happy Late New Years! I hope you enjoyed this. -/- means Change of P.O.V


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Chapter 4

After all of the movement occurred and suddenly stopped, they were in a what seemed like a white room. The room had a feeling of warmth yet not at the exact same time. It was like pure light was shining through the room and that was the only thing generating heat. But yet there was something else that Harry couldn't put his finger on. Harry looked around the room but he could see nothing but the whiteness that seemed to consume the whole entire place.

Harry turned and looked at Lupin. "What exactly is going on?"

Lupin knew that this question was coming but he was trying to figure out exactly how to answer such a question. There were many ways to answer. If answered it directly then he wasn't sure whether or not Harry would get the lesson he was trying to teach him or anything. That was the question indeed.

"A picture holds a thousands of words. More than one picture holds a story which begs to be told," Lupin tried to explain cryptically.

Harry looked at him. He wasn't in the mood to be played with. Most, if not all, of his life someone or rather even a group of individuals had been aimed at keeping information from him and he was sick of it. He wanted to be told things.

Lupin looked at him and guessed correctly the thoughts that were running through Harry's mind and then added," it will be all make clear in the end."

Whatever. It's just like everything else in my life. Harry looked at Lupin who had extended his hands out like he was calling something and then Harry began to notice that the walls seemed to start to move. Instinctively Harry came closer to Lupin and embraced himself for he didn't know what was going on. 

The walls showed life filled with sounds and movement. Lupin started walking slowly, waiting for Harry to follow him. It took Harry a moment to do so but he caught up. Harry just followed and a trail of questions flooded his mind but he couldn't form the words to ask them. He stared in amazement. All he could do was follow fore he had no clue what to do.

As they continued walking, images flew across the walls that Harry had never seen before or ever knew they existed in the first place.

Every footstep creaks 

_Creaks closer to my heart_

_Attempting to break_

_What is already so frail and weak_

_For a single breath_

_Would tear me apart_

_For any moment_

_Could be my last_

What am I suppose to do when it all falls apart? 

At that very moment, Lupin stopped walking and stood there for a moment and the pictures stopped moving across the wall and they proceeded closer to one of them. Lupin looked at Harry and paused there for a moment. _He has no clue about what he's about to see but that's just the way it goes. There is no way to prepare oneself for this especially in Harry's case._

Lupin extended his hand once again to Harry and after receiving it they stepped through the picture and watched as it came more to life. Harry stared. He made sure to follow Lupin carefully for there were countless numbers of people around them now. Everything in a way felt familiar but yet not at the exact same time. He couldn't quite explain. And then at one point Lupin stopped walking and pointed to a sign, which read: Diagon Alley.

No wonder it felt so familiar to him but it didn't make any sense to him. _Why were we here and what exactly are we in? What's the point of this? _It didn't make any sense to him.

The Diagon Alley that he was watching had some of the same shops in which he was used to but there were some in which he was not familiar with. Nevertheless though he followed Lupin.

At that particular moment, Lupin stopped completely and pointed to one of the windows so that Harry could look inside. Harry reluctantly did as he was told and then his eyes widen completely, he couldn't believe his eyes.

-/-

Hermoine sighed in deeply. _Something just didn't feel right. Harry for most of his life relied on himself to handle and deal with things but he can't do everything himself. It's all too much for just one to handle and everything. We have to work together. _

"Ron, can't we just go and check on Harry?" Hermoine asked againThe bad feeling in which she had felt only grew every moment. _What if something bad happened to Harry? _

This thought was completely possible considering everything that has been going on lately and in general. Harry dealt with a very big loss and he shouldn't be alone for a long time; it just wasn't good. Sirius was his godfather and everything.

"Mr. Weasley," Hermoine started. Mr. Weasley had still been in the room at the moment and she wanted to get permission from someone to check up on Harry. "Can we at least go check to see if Harry's okay?"

Mr. Weasley looked at her. He could see the genuine and true concern on her face. He had received word from Lupin not too long ago that on this night to go to Harry room but only after a certain time. He sighed and looked at the time. It was time.

"Let's go check on him," Mr. Weasley said after noticing the time. Hermoine gave him a look but didn't say anything, she'd ask him later, when they weren't in a rush and everything.

The wind seemed to work with them that night as Mr. Weasley, Ron and Hermoine along with the twins who had insisted on coming as well made way to Harry's house. It was an experience because they had to make sure not to be too noticeable. Mr. Weasley had contacted a spig who lived closed by and made that a pit stop and then they used brooms to fly over to Harry's.

When they got there his room was deserted but it was Hermoine who pointed out the album because it was radiating strong magic and there was a white light emitting through it. Mr. Weasley stared at his as he walked over kind of recklessly and picked up the album, he hadn't seen this type of album in years and if it came from the wrong person---everyone's in big trouble.

-/-

The sight that Harry saw he couldn't explain. He stared at Lupin for a moment and then back at the window. He didn't know what to say.

Are those my parents? 

A/N: So tell me what do you think? Should I continue? Or do you want to kill me? Reviews are much appreciated. Again sorry for the delay, I had no clue anyone liked this story. Hoped you liked it. And -/- means change of POV.


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